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Getting into smart casual mode
2009-09-21 12:47:52 | Source

Like a dog returning to its vomit, to quote the Best Book, this reviewer continues his dogged viewing of Idols. People of taste and refinement should stop reading right now, and cut straight to the rugger results.

For the rest of you, seeking one elegant phrase that sums up this show, may I suggest “smart casual”. Few phrases in English manage to pack banality, cross-eyed obedience, philistinism, greed and a crippled imagination quite as well as this high fibre, low calorie, day-glo phrase.

In no particular order, we start with the smart casual anchorman, presenter, call him what you will, Colin Moss. With a smile like Goofy or am I thinking of Pluto, he fluffs his lines, sometimes with near-disastrous results.

Moving on, we come to the four smart casual judges. Having spent the heats, if that is the word, spitting spite and humiliating young people by the hundred, they now ooze and gush as the survivors present themselves for the final solution. Do they write their own scripts? Or is someone else responsible for the smart casual things they say?

Then, saddest of all, the smart casual finalists and their dazed families, boy friends, girl friends and lovers. All of these sad folk buy the crock of shit dished up to them by the producers: what were once perfectly normal South African teenagers and young adults, become live singing and dancing machines.


This is the consequence of smart casual hair stylists, smart casual clothing stylists, smart casual sound engineers, smart casual dancing teachers, smart casual lighting-camerapersons and, dare I say it, smart casual voice coaches.

In its own specific smart casual way, Idols is nothing less than the most Extreme Makeover possible without actually cutting away the flesh, recolouring the eyes and shoving a high pressure liposuction vacuum cleaner straight into the cortex.

Meanwhile, back in the real world Known Gods continues to dominate what is left of my mind. While there are those of you out there who marvel at the sophistication of the script while others engage in nail-biting suspense wondering which witch is which, this tired and emotional hack has bonded with the little green Series 1 short wheel base Land Rover, which his aficianado’s eye tells him is a 1949 model.

Can this be true? So old yet still running? Hello? Hello? Can anybody hear me? God, I feel so alone.


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